Why Would Gay Parents Pick a Catholic School?

In the current issue of Commonweal, a curious article appeared that deals with Catholic homosexual parents choosing Catholic schools for their children. It is written anonymously and its title is “Sins of Admission: Why Wouldn’t Gay Parents Pick a Catholic School?”

Right from the beginning, there are so many aspects, which make me uneasy. Stringing words like “Catholic” and “homosexual” and “homosexual parents” seems so odd and well, not normative. As culture, we accept terms and meanings rather quickly and we never even ask whether the term accurately describes a particular thing. Even using the word “gay” instead of “homosexual” is an attempt to normalize a deviant behavior, and take the attention away of what it really is.

The article was written by a homosexual woman and the fact that it was written anonymously presents a difficulty in giving a proper critique. As a writer and human being, I like to know who am I dealing with, what is the name of the person, and so on. This feels like sharing an emotionally intimate moment with someone who is staring at you behind the deeply tinted aviator sunglasses. The woman who is writing this article is certainly wearing a mask, even if she may assume that she is disclosing something of herself and her life.

The writer starts out by presenting the problem: how can she and her partner bring their two newly adopted sons into a Catholic school? And would that be possible? It turns out that it is certainly possible; not only to be open in their union in their local church but also to enroll their sons into the adjoining school. But then again, this is Boulder, Colorado. Anything is possible there. Let me move through the argument of the anonymous woman, step by step.

At the onset, she tells us that she can only speak for herself and her family. This would quite simply distinguish her from other people; logically anyway. But then, a line below, she writes “The fact of the matter is, I am you.” This is big assumption, and one should never speak for the whole group (in this case, the Catholics), especially those who will most certainly not agree with her decisions she has made thus far. Instead of focusing on the issue, the anonymous woman proceeds to give an overview of her life, a short autobiography if you will. She appeals to the older Catholics who are familiar with the Baltimore Catechism (many of the Catholics dislike the Baltimore Catechism and are all too happy of many “ideas” that came out of the Vatican II); she appeals to good students, like myself by telling us that she too, was indeed a good student; she appeals to the conservatives by proudly stating that the choice of magazine at home was National Review and the choice of television program was Firing Line; she appeals to theologians and students of theology by speaking of her academic career in theology at the University of Notre Dame, and while she’s at it, she peppers her article with a strong quote from Karl Rahner. This stroll down the memory lane is part of an emotivist strategy (and she may not even know that she is doing it), which ought to make a reader move away from the real issue: homosexuality and parenting, homosexuality and the Church. She is appealing to superficial commonalities, as if she’s yelling: “Look at me! I am the same as you. I eat and drink and read and love liberal arts.” But reading and watching Buckley does not guarantee a moral virtue, and nor does philosophizing nor theologizing.

The anonymous woman then proceeds to tell the readers about what should be a heart wrenching story of adoption of two children from Africa. Suddenly, this need for altruism absolves her of a behavior and state, which is not normal? Hardly. I should say that I can’t imagine what goes on in the mind and heart of a homosexual person, who is struggling with his faith (if they have any) and acceptance in this world. There must be an incredible internal conflict at hand, and I do not pretend that I know something about it. But if indeed she is Catholic, then shouldn’t her sexual orientation be her Cross that she must bear? Shouldn’t she pray fervently and strongly for God to remain by her side as she’s going through this incredible interior struggle, a crisis of anxiety and existence? We all have internal conflicts, and those of homosexual persons (who have inherent human dignity no matter what) are not bigger or more complex than that of heterosexual persons.

Homosexual persons like the anonymous woman need to be treated with compassion but that is not my point here. You may read the Church’s CDF document on the pastoral care of the homosexual persons if you wish to know more about that. My point in critiquing the article had to do with the fact that the author has avoided the heart of the matter and as in many other cases, attempted to normalize a behavior, which will leave a lasting impact on those two boys from Africa. We must think ahead; AIDS may have taken the life of the father of the eldest boy but that does not mean that we consciously deprive him of a father. The end, however altruistic it may seem, does not justify the means.